Friday, February 17, 2012

The 5 LOVE musings...

         We had a fantastic evening last night on this topic at a women's church activity....the food and speakers were both great. 
          When I came home to discuss it with my hubby, I came up with some really interesting ideas on LOVE...and since this is the week of love, I thought it deserved its own post
Just in case you don't already know what the 5 love languages are...I will give you a quick run-down, before I delve into my thoughts about it. 
1-Words of affirmation (I love you, thank you for doing that, I appreciate you, you look great in that outfit, you enjoy blog comments;) etc...)
2-Quality time (in the form of quality conversation, quality activities or just time)
3-Receiving Gifts (can be free or expensive, come in all shapes and sizes, carry some thought or meaning to them, an example could be your wedding you wear it often? does it carry an immense amount of meaning to you?)
4-Acts of Service (doing things for others, spending time on making them something, doing something even though you may dislike doing it)
5-Physical Touch (this doesn't have to be just intimate forms of touch, it can just be a pat on the shoulder, a quick squeeze of the arm, a hug etc.)

         We also discussed different "dialects", as you and every other person probably vary quite a bit of what kinds of acts of service, or amount and kind of physical touch that you enjoy...we are all different.

        Before last night I was ALL about the 5 love languages...I thought it was a new and amazing way to understand the people around you and show your love to them. 
        I still feel this way, to some extent, I do believe that it opens up interesting ways to think about whether or not the way you are showing love to someone is getting through to them or not, and if not, finding ways to show your love in ways that are being understood.
           BUT....I've come to the conclusion that its just NOT all right...
for example...there was a great little intro on how God uses each and every love language in his relationships with us, and how he uses each one of them. 
I totally agreed with this! He does use them all...but that's the thing...he uses them ALL. 
       Does he use them all, so we all feel loved in our own way? Or does he use them all because God is LOVE...he exudes love in every aspect...and so should we.
       What got me thinking on this topic, was that I literally COULD NOT find my love language...I felt as if I was equal in ALL of them. 
I thought about this for a very long time...I really felt equally divided, and that if someone wrote me a nice note, or got me a un-expected gift, or took me on a trip, or spent any quality time with me, or gave me a hug....the list goes on....I WOULD FEEL LOVED. 
I just would. 
      As I came home to quiz my hubby, and desperately find out how to show my love to him more and make sure he felt loved by me....we came to some interesting conclusions. Well, maybe not conclusions per se, but definitely some new thoughts on this topic. 
      My hubby answered all the questions I asked...unwillingly, for the most part...because he does NOT like ultimatums(not that I was giving him one)...but the questions were. 
They were set up in such a way to make you HAVE to decide between the using words such as "always" or "every time". He wasn't sure what he felt EVERY single time...or if he would like it one situation versus the next. He thought it really depended on the situation, the timing, the individual the interaction was with. 
      As I was telling him that I felt I was EACH and every love language possible...he said he thought he was too. 
       These were his words: "If someone is showing me their love through a service, a note, a kind word, a hug, I will feel loved if they are doing it with love. It doesn't matter what the "thing" is, it matters where there heart is. If they are doing it out of love, I will feel loved."
       Isn't that just spot on? I feel the same way....and yes, maybe you would feel more loved by certain things than others, at different times. 
His second point was this, "if I haven't had a word of affirmation in a while, maybe I would enjoy that one more one day...or if I haven't been hugged in a while, that one may hold more weight...but if I haven't had any quality time in a while, then that may be the thing that makes me feel loved the most that day. It is constantly changing."
      I don't think this will be true for everyone, I do think that some people just ARE physical touch people, and some people just ARE service people, or gifts people, or there is good to knowing the languages and finding out how to speak other peoples language. 
       BUT, I think the MOST important aspect is love. Whatever way you choose to express your love, make sure that it is exuding your love, and that they know you love them during whatever interaction it is. 
         Another interesting thought I had, was, maybe it is all nurture?? And not nature at all? At the activity one speaker spoke one this, and like most questions pertaining to this, she expressed to us that it probably was a combination of both
        Maybe though, it's not. Maybe the reason some person would feel more loved when someone spends quality time with them, than anything else, is because they lacked that time when growing up
        Or, it could be the opposite, maybe they got a lot of quality time and always felt loved, and to them, that's what they associate with feeling loved. 
       My points on this topic are really just things that I thought were interesting, and not to completely disregard what this author has brought across, because it can be really helpful. 
        I just think that we could all use a lot more LOVE in our life...whether it be giving or receiving...the world needs more love:) 
        We could all try and be a lot more loving in ALL of these 5 aspects, and no matter which one was are using at which time, we need to make sure that the person on the receiving end really feels that it came from the right place, and really knows that we care. 
That's pretty much it...he he...LOVE. 

1 comment:

  1. Interesting thoughts on love languages, crystal (and jd). Something to ponder more, for sure. Thanks ;)