The last week has been interesting to say the least...and boring, all wrapped up into one big emotion. Our kids came down with the pox, so we have been cooped up all week (thus the boring)...yet there is so much going on.
I've had a lot on my mind lately...
I can't seem to get that one out of my mind, no matter how hard I try. I think I'm over it...but then I start crying on the phone to my mom about it...so evidently, I am not. Not yet, at least.
gaahhh...work. I haven't ever really been a huge fan of work, ha ha...who is? I only worked during the summers while taking my degree, which was never more then 3-4 months in a row. I usually worked 3-4 jobs at a time, so I wouldn't get bored, and so I could optimize my time and money-making.
I had a baby shortly after getting married, and haven't really worked since then...ever.
I feel slightly overwhelmed, and hugely under-qualified...for pretty much any job besides waitress-ing. I know that I have a good education, and that I did exceedingly well during school...but that hasn't really carried over. Most moms will know what I feel like, being with little kids all day turns your brain to mush.
I feel my spelling and grammar getting worse, and even just words that I used to know...I just don't know much anymore...my brain is to used to baby food and boogers...and not used to work-clothes and typing.
Anyways...there are so many things to think about as well, like where I should work, what I should do, for how long...should my hubby stay home? hmmm....it's a lot to think about.
First off, I have to say how awesome he is, because he just really is super-fantastically-awesome. He is such a hard worker, and so intelligent...any job or school would be so over-the-moon lucky to have him. I know that I'm super lucky to have him.
He has been looking into schools, starting applications to them, and while doing that, applying to several jobs too. It's a tricky thing though, finding the right job. He got a job offer-ish (as did I, but I don't think I'm taking it) for a not-so-great job.
On the one hand, we feel like he should take it, because beggars shouldn't be choosers right? Anything is better than nothing....BUT, what if something better does come along? He really needs to get a job that will increase his chances of getting into school...at least at some point.
When I look around the internet, sometimes I get blog-envy(or maybe it's just general life-envy). You know those blogs where they post awesome pictures of their families(with some fancy camera)....every afternoon they do a great craft with their kids...every evening is a dinner that someone else will probably "pin" because it looks just that yummy...their house is huge and gorgeous and full of awesome decorative stuff(yup, there goes my awesome vocab....synonym for stuff anyone? ha ha)....oh, and don't forget that they look awesomely amazing and super modern-y cute in every self-portrait....that too.
Well, occasionally I start to wonder how I could become like that. I want a fancy camera, I want to do more with my kids, make better dinners, do my hair on occasion (at least brush it for goodness sakes:)....
Today, during Sunday-school at church...I started thinking about all of those things. They aren't bad things, we want a nice clean home, happy and intelligent children etc. etc....but you can't do it all at once. You just can't.
Maybe some day I will be that mom, that has time to do all of those amazing things, and still has time to blog about it every day.
But for now, I need to work on what matters most...and what matters most is teaching my children gospel principles, trying to raise them with manners and kindness and love to all mankind.
What matters most is my husband knowing that I love and support him, even during this difficult time of job-less-ness, that I know can be so hard.
What matters most if my own "holiness"- my trying to be closer to Christ every day, by my actions, and my thoughts.....charity...Christ-like love...selfless-ness.
That's what matters most.
That is what I will work on every day.
I will try and become the person that I want to, and know that I can, become. And maybe one day I'll have a fancy camera, a new vehicle, a job or be going to school somewhere like THIS (amazing, right?).
But for now...I'll just work on me.